Career decisions, or longing for certainty where none is to be found

I'm in the 5th year of my doctorate now, just finished my dissertation proposal last week. That's when you propose the shape of your final doctoral deliverable to your committee. For me, its also when I pivot in my fieldwork from mostly data collection and a little analysis to mostly analyses and a little data collection. 

I now need to start thinking about what comes next.  

Over this summer, I'm going to go "on the market" as it were, attending conferences, presenting my ongoing research papers, helping organize things, and generally be seen by people who make hiring decisions. I will probably apply to many universities, wherever the jobs are, in Canada, the US, Europe and India. 

I am torn, in a sense, about where to focus my efforts. On the one hand: go broad, put together a good application packet, apply to many places in many countries. I think I may have a shot at a good school in the UK or Europe, perhaps even in the US if they're in the market for someone like me. I had thought I might apply to a few places in India (like the Indian Institute of Management in Bengaluru), but I will have to contend with a different sort of negative consequence of my ethnic identity for any Indian application. Which is tough, but I understand why such things must happen. Clearly, I have other options in a way that most beneficiaries of the quota system in India do not. 

On the other hand: focus, and apply locally, in Montreal. I have work that I'd like to continue with and possibly expand upon here, and the research community here is really lovely. Uniquely so, for someone interested in qualitative research (and publicly managed social systems that resist privatization). On top of that, Aditi has just begun her PhD at McGill, and she deserves the time to explore her options and to let her research unfold in an unhurried pace. I'd like to keep the family together if I can. 

So both remaining in Montreal, and heading out into the world seem like they could be fruitful, and they both have their drawbacks.

Adding complication to the process is the fact that I have been living without permanent residence for almost 20 years. I moved out of India when I was 20, and ever since then I've been on student permits, post graduate training permits, temporary work permits, constantly having to defend my right to stay in my home to bureaucrats who's primary claim to authority over my future are the circumstances of their birth and mine. I'm tired of it, frankly. I want to not have to constantly worry about immigration. In that respect Europe and UK (and to a lesser degree the US) are friendly to academics. 

Not so Quebec, which has decided to make life harder for graduates of anglophone universities with respect to the QC permanent residency process (PEQ). Again, I understand why such things must happen, and I know the law doesn't target me specifically. I am however somewhat annoyed that I will soon have two PhDs (one from Quebec), I test reasonably well in written and perhaps less well in spoken French, I study francophone organizations, I work towards the betterment of a francophone healthcare system, I've begun to teach in French.... and yet here I am being told to jump through hoops once again for the privilege of staying in a place that I had thought (in hubris, looking back) would be happy to have me. 

Sometimes I feel like I'm acting entitled, but at other times I am just frustrated that I have spent what seems like a whole life held to standards that others by virtue of their birth are not subject to. Anyhow, I think I might write more about my job market experiences here. Maybe someone somewhere will get something out of it. Maybe its just a place for me to vent, and that's OK too.

EDIT June 19th: More uncertainty. I think I might not go on the market this year? Or rather, I’m open to really good opportunities this year but will go on the market “formally” next summer. This year, I guess it depends on who’s asking.

This is a tactical decision of sorts. I think I can put together a reasonable package this year: I have publications (one quite well cited already), a pipeline of working papers, exceptional teaching ratings, and a decent bit of supervising experience. Publications, potential publications, and teaching are the cornerstones of an academic track job application. So in that regard, I'm fine. But if I wait an additional year I will likely have two of my pipeline papers in the review process, which is even better. Maybe even an MBA course designed and delivered. It will also allow Aditi’s research design to settle a bit and maybe the decision of whether to look for work in Montréal vs. elsewhere will be easier.

It does mean taking ~7 years for this PhD. Samer calls this the MIT model where you camp in your PhD program until your job application packet looks very very good. On the other hand it also means another year of being a student, another year of earning peanuts (and not a lot of peanuts at that). You may think, given the choices I have made throughout my life, that I don't care much for money. And certainly Aditi and I live a rather austere life that doesn't require much money. But I dont much care for being poor either. And it has been profoundly demoralizing getting progressively poorer each year through my mid to late 30s. As a man who is expected to provide for family and to be a good son and to save for retirement (which is closer than is comfortable). 

But what right do I have to comfort when there’s so much knowledge and research and good work at stake? Hey it’s the title of this blog post all over again.